Ok, so this is not another rant about how stressful supermarkets can be. It’s a rant about the people I come across on a regular basis on the road. I am not one for all out road rage, screaming at someone or using rude gestures, but I do utter things in  the privacy of my own car that I wouldn’t have the courage to say to the incompetent driver’s face.

There are a number of things that can stress you out while driving, the biggest of which is other people’s actions. Not only can it be really dangerous to not use the road properly but it’s just common courtesy to have manners on the road , just like in every other situation.

The roads are full of surprises and I’m not just talking about the time I had to swerve suddenly to dodge a double bed mattress that slipped off the back of the lorry in front, but the surprises mostly come from other drivers who do unpredictable things to tick us off.

Here’s a list I compiled of the most aggravating situations I’ve come across on the road;

1) Indicator Indifference

This is by far , for me the MOST irritating thing to experience while driving because it can really turn a situation dodgy. A person is coming around a round-about that you are about to enter and suddenly they swerve off without indicating where they are going. The indicators are there for a reason. I don’t see how so many people could have gone through life not noticing this handy little feature cars have. It’s not like they just think they have them on when they don’t. No. That mistake is impossible because it makes the ticky noise! . If you are really too lazy to flip a switch up that could save someones life, I think you need to think about where you’re going. (not where you’re physically travelling to , but where you’re going in life)

2) Oblivious Drivers

You know when you’re at the top of your street, waiting to be left out into the traffic and the cars are passing you by , like you don’t even exist? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked I was not some ghostly figure whose presence is questionable . I do actually exist inside this huge metal vehicle so don’t try to act like you don’t notice me making eye contact , pleading with you to let me out.

Then there’s the oblivious drivers who just “didn’t see you” trying for an hour and a half to reverse into that parking spot they just nonchalantly stole from you. Have you never heard of the eighth commandment ?!

Or what about the person who backs out of somewhere and expects everyone else to just get out of their way while not looking where they’re going? The amount of times I have been paralyzed with fear over someone nearly backing over me with their car is too many to count. I’m standing their writing my goodbyes in my head to my nearest and dearest while they’re probably bopping along to One Direction!

3) Pesky Pedestrians

I know that not everyone will agree with me on this one .There are many people who are pedestrians and find the drivers to be the culprits of a lot of their rage ,however, as a person who drives a lot more than I walk, I need to rant about pedestrians.

The wavers are the worst. You know the type. They basically stop you in your tracks so that they can cross the road. No explanation, no apologies , they just saunter across with this apathetic lift of a hand. They use this gesture as some sort of “get out of jail card” , like, “everything is ok if I just wave.”

4)Silly Cyclists

Like the pedestrians, I might be being slightly biased because I am not a cyclist, but they to me, can sometimes be as inconsiderate of others as other motorists.I also don’t really get the need for them to be road users.It doesn’t seem really safe to me. Let’s put this big chunk of motor and steel in the same lane as a puny little bike with a small bell on it! Sure, sounds really well thought out!

There needs to be more cycle lanes so that everyone has their own place in the whole system of traffic , and we are all not mushed up on top of each other like peas , you know, after they’ve been turned mushy.

5)Flash Happy

These motorists mean well and I understand that they are trying to be a good citizen , but when I’m driving along the road at 60 km an hour, I’m not going to be able to interpret a few flashes of your headlights. Flashing headlights from oncoming traffic could have a range of meanings.How are we meant to decipher which one you mean? Is my car on fire? Is the boogie man on my roof about to kill me? Or did I simply forget to turn on my lights?

A solution to this would maybe some sort of morse code ; one flash for my lights being off, two flashes for traffic diversions up ahead.. and so on. I’m sure that the people taking the theory tests nowadays wouldn’t mind learning a page or two more!

6) Bully Butt Chaser

These people really cause my road rage to go a bit She-Hulk-esque. Since when was obeying the speed limit a crime? I never got the memo because the last time I checked , it was quite the opposite. Some drivers are in such a hurry  to get to their destination that they will try to run you off the road. The most commonly used method of doing this is to keep driving about one-fifth of an inch away from your boot, and sticking there like glue.I find very few things less intimidating than this on the roads.

It’s not enough that you continuously flash your lights for me to pull over in the most inconvenient places, you also have to be so close that you can tell what I’m carrying in my back seat! These people need to calm down and realise that nothing is ever that much of a rush that you need to bully people in to getting out of your way so that you can have the run of the road.

7) The One Woman Beauty Parlour

I have never come across anything so bizarre on the road than when I see women driving along, one hand on the wheel and the other applying mascara while looking in the mirror. I understand the need to look good , even when you’re running late , but If you are running so late that you don’t have time to finish your pain-stakingly long beauty regime, leave it, it’s not worth driving dangerously over! Have you never heard of being FASHIONABLY late??

These were just a few points I have noticed in my years of driving. I, in no way, claim to be a good driver and definitely have my downfalls but I thought you might be able to relate to some of these and hopefully we’ll all remember to drive safely !